The 5 Stages Of Drunk Texting

29 | 06 | 2021

 

Something we all love to do after a glass or two of rosé is get straight on our phones and text text text.

Is this a good decision? Probs not. Will we regret it the following day? Almost definitely. Will we continue to do it because lol why not? Absolutely.

 

The 5 Stages Of Drunk Texting

 

Drunk texts are easily one of our favourite things because you can’t be held accountable for what you send to your ex whilst intoxicated, we don’t make the rules sorry…

No matter if you’re relatively tipsy or fully can’t see anymore, we’ve collated the 5 stages of drunk texting that we’ve all been victim to throughout the years.

Peep below a breakdown of the texts we’re guaranteed to send whilst under the influence, got to laugh or we’ll cry.

 

The ‘you are my best friend ever’ stage

Once we’re a few pornstar martinis deep, it’s like the floodgates open and suddenly we can’t stop reminding our besties how much we love them.

It’s like in our drunken mind every other sentence has to be declaring our love for our gals, just in case they forgot the previous ten reminders.

‘You are my best friend ever you’re more like family I love you so much don’t know what I’d do without you can’t wait for us to make more memories together love you so much’

Not the worst stage of drunk texting but definitely one of the funniest to read through again the next day!

best friends lol GIF by Amy Poehler's Smart Girls

 

The ‘omg send that to the group chat!’ stage

Being drunk can lead to many things, including countless pics of us looking like absolute 10s – or at least we think…

Before we know it we’ve had a full on photoshoot, offering all the angles and all the poses because we are supermodels, sorry ’bout it.

For the rest of the night the group chat is going OFF with pics documenting the night – it’s such a shame that when we scroll through again the next day only a handful are actually decent and the rest are a blur of tequila and regret.

We’ll save those for future birthday insta stories, sorry besties!

Jimmy Fallon Selfie GIF

 

The ‘wow I am making no sense’ stage

If there’s one thing being drunk leads to it’s sending texts that make absolutely no sense and are borderline a new language.

No matter who’s on the receiving end of our da-vinci-code-esque texts, we’re sending them to everyone and letting the mystery of what we actually mean be.

‘I lpbe ypu si mych br hpme soob x’

The good thing about drunk texting is the person on the other end 100% knows that you’re intoxicated after attempting to read the gibberish we’ve been blowing up their phone with… Ah well enjoy the entertainment hun.

drunk GIF

 

The ‘you up?’ stage

The stage we all wish to forget but come back to every single time ‘you up?‘.

There’s just something about alcohol and making bad decisions that works so beautifully, so best believe when we’ve had a few too many we’re dropping those regrettable texts with zero shame.

Whether it’s an ex, someone we just matched on Tinder or our current partner, we’re doing everything we can to get our flirt on even if we end up going home alone with some cold chicken nuggets.

Reading through these texts the next day can be brutal, but either our efforts were successful or we end up in fits of laughter at our attempts to drunkenly flirt – loves it.

Walton Goggins Unicorn GIF by CBS

 

The ‘regret’ stage

The worst yet most inevitable stage that causes us so much dread it should be illegal.

Sadly, not every time we have a drink we’re as steaming as possible, so texting certain people and not getting the response we want/expect can be BRUTAL.

We’re texting everyone we fancy, people we haven’t seen since school, our auntie that moved abroad, the options are endless – but texting every contact we have means we’re probably going to say something we regret.

Whether the regret is instant as soon as you get that reply back or it’s not until the morning after, the pit in our stomachs is criminal and reason enough to never drink again (until next weekend obvs).

regret oops GIF

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